


I love him (Phan)

by Misha_with_wings



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009!phan, Anal Sex, Bottom!Dan, Coming Out, Crying, Cuddling, Cute, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Detailed smut, Emotional, Emotional Talks, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Fluffy Smut, Gay, Happy Ending, Kissing, Loss of Virginity, Love, M/M, Making Love, Phan - Freeform, Smut, Tears, first time smut, gay!phil, mild panic attacks, non descriptive panic attacks, top!phil, virgin!dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 07:42:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14588280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misha_with_wings/pseuds/Misha_with_wings
Summary: Phil had hidden who he really was for such a long time that he was scared of people knowing the truth.Luckily Dan comes into his life, making him feel safe and so extremely happy.Dan makes Phil feel less scared to be himself, and he finally feels comfortable and ready to come out and show the real side of him.No more fear, no more secrets, no more hiding.





	I love him (Phan)

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS JUST A FIC! I am in no way assuming Phil's (or Dan's) sexuality. They can be who they want to be and as long as they're happy I'm happy. 
> 
> This fic has:  
> -coming out  
> -smut 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Phil swears he's never been happier in his life. The second he picked Dan up from the train station his heart just felt lighter and his mood felt forever lifted. He loved Dan more than words can say and the best part is Dan loved him just as much in return. 

They were both so, so happy. 

Dan had been in Manchester with Phil for a few days now and everything had been great aside from the lack of privacy. 

Phil's parents and brother were all home, making it hard for him and Dan to get a nice moment alone together. 

They hadn't been able to do much other than make out at three in the morning after everyone had gone to sleep. 

They were currently the only ones in the house- simply because his parents and brother all went to go shopping, leaving them alone. 

"Phil!" Dan yells and jumps on Phil's back, making the older boy jump. 

"Daaan!" Phil complains, turning around to face his mischievous and smug looking boyfriend. 

Dan leans in and pecks Phil on the lips, "Don't pout." 

Phil immediately smiles, "I hate you."

"You love me." Dan shoves Phil's shoulder playfully, starting a little pushing war. 

"Okay okay, we're here to find snacks not kill each other." Phil says, trying to stop his giggling boyfriend from shoving him again. 

Phil opens the fridge and looks in it for barely five seconds before, "There's nothing to eat."

"You didn't look." Dan crosses his arms.

"I did too!" Phil argues, turning to face Dan, "I guess that means I'll just have to eat you." Phil playfully growls before moving forward and pushing Dan into the counter roughly. 

"Oo, cannibalism, kinky." Dan tries to say with a straight face, he fails. 

"Shut up!" Phil laughs, burying his face in Dan's shoulder.

"You know I'll never shut up." Dan sighs. 

Phil pulls his face away from Dan's shoulder and looks him in the eyes, "You sure about that? I have ways of making you be quiet."

Phil presses his body against Dan's and Dan snakes his arms up around Phil's neck. 

Dan pulls Phil even closer so their foreheads were touching, "Mmm, prove it." 

Phil presses his lips to Dan's softly, both of them were still tentative around each other. Neither of them were brave enough to initiate anything more than a midnight snogging.

Much to Phil's surprise, Dan decides to deepen it- and Phil definitely wasn't complaining. Dan was usually the shyer of the two, always pulling away when Phil went a bit too far. 

Phil knew Dan was still young and innocent being only eighteen and virginal. He knew not to push anything, even if Dan seemed overly cocky and brave. 

Phil grips Dan's hips as he nips at Dan's bottom lip, the little breathy noise that leaves Dan stirs a warm feeling in his lower stomach. He'd do anything to hear that noise again, so he grips Dan harder and kisses with more force. 

Phil's hands shakily trail down Dan's sides to the backs of his thighs, Phil pushes Dan against the counter and picks him up making Dan pull away and make a noise of surprise. 

"Phil." Dan mutters breathily, looking at Phil with dark lust-filled eyes and flushed cheeks. 

Phil sets Dan on top of the counter and slots himself perfectly between his thighs. 

"Baby..." Phil whispers against Dan's lips, the small whimper that leaves the younger boy added to his arousal. 

Dan tangles his fingers through silly strands of black hair and pulls him into a rough kiss. 

Phil stands on his toes a bit to reach Dan's mouth without struggle, he plunges his tongue into Dan's mouth without warning and the noise that leaves him should be sinful. 

Phil pushes their hips together, making Dan gasp into his mouth and his head falls back against the cabinets behind him, making their lips depart abruptly.

"God- Phil please..." Dan pants heavily, trying to grind his hips against Phil's. 

Phil smirks as he presses kisses along Dan's neck and collarbones, hearing his breathing hitch before he emits a sharp sounding, "Fuck!"

Bingo, Phil thinks before attaching his lips to the sensitive spot on his neck, biting and sucking at the smooth skin. Dan whimpers and moans as he claws at Phil's shoulders and grips at his hair. 

Phil's hands that were resting on Dan's thighs squeezed harder making Dan buck his hips up against Phil's. They both let out a deep moan. 

"Phil I- please." Dan pleads, his voice high, whiny, and oh so needy. 

Phil's hand trails over the button of Dan's jeans, "You sure?"

"Yes- please just touch me..." Dan begs, teenage hormones still pretty much owned him and it was so easy to be turned on- especially when Phil was so close to him. 

Phil presses his lips to Dan's again as he presses his palm to the bulge in Dan's jeans. Dan squeaks into his mouth, his whole body trembling from just the one touch. 

Dan's mind was spinning, nobody's ever touched him there before and he really wanted Phil to just bend him over this counter and take him right now. 

"Maybe we should go to my room." Phil pants heavily into Dan's mouth, one look at Dan's needy expression and Phil changed his mind, "Never mind, nobody's home anyway." 

Their lips lock again in a hot and heavy kiss, Dan's dull nails scratch at Phil's shoulder blades through his t-shirt and he arches into Phil's teasing touch.

Phil was so enveloped in Dan, Dan's lips, Dan's sounds, Dan's body, that he almost forgot where they were.

Squeaky door hinges make Phil push himself away from Dan, Dan in return falls off of the counter because he was leaning into Phil so much. 

Phil swears he summoned sonic because of how fast he flung himself off of Dan. 

Phil stares at his brother with wide-eyes, hoping that he didn't see anything. He wasn't exactly out to anyone in his family, and they definitely didn't know he was with Dan. 

Dan was frozen in place, looking down at his feet and fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. 

Martyn looked a mix of confused and suspicious as he looked from Phil to Dan and back again. The realization slowly dawned on him of what he walked into. "Oh." 

Phil gulps before opening his mouth to speak, before he could get any words out his parents strolled through the door with hands full of shopping bags. 

Phil was staring at Martyn with pleading eyes, silently begging him not to tell. Dan was still staring at the floor.

"So what have you boys been up too?" Phil's mum asks as she sets her bags on the kitchen table. "You both look a right mess!" She exclaims, trying to fix Phil's messy hair.

Phil bats her hands away and mumbles a faint stop. 

"Why are you three all so quiet?"

Dan looks up and all three of them exchange a look, Martyn sighs, "I walked in on them fighting over the last cookie like a couple of five year olds. Phil managed to grab the cookie and stuff the whole thing in his mouth at once, wasn't fun to watch." 

Phil let's out a soft sigh of relief before mouthing a silent 'Thank you' at his brother. Martyn just gives him a small nod in reply as if to say 'no problem'.

"Well lucky for you two..." She digs through one of the shopping bags before pulling out a box of cookies, "I got more." 

Phil unashamedly grabs the whole box before gesturing at Dan to follow him to his room. 

"Don't spoil your dinner!" She yells after them but the two boys had already disappeared down the hallway. 

"That was close..." Dan mumbles as Phil closes the door behind them. 

"Close?!" Phil exclaims as he flops onto his bed with a groan, "Martyn saw us! He knows!"

"He didn't really seem to care from what I saw..." Dan says, gently laying next to Phil.

Phil grabs Dan's hand and tangles their fingers together, "I know but what if he accidentally says something to my mum or dad..."

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure everything will be fine. You don't plan to hide forever do you?"

"No, I'm just not ready to come out yet..." Phil sighs, Dan leans in and kisses his forehead to make him relax. 

"That's okay, just don't worry yourself alright? Coming out is your thing, I doubt your brother will say anything. He seemed pretty okay about it." 

Phil sighs, deciding to change the subject, "Hand me the cookies." 

Dan rolls his eyes fondly before reaching for the box at the end of the bed, "Here you go my cookie monster." 

Phil does a little roar at Dan before taking the box. 

A few days later it was time for Dan to leave and they were all over each other. They didn't want to let go after hugs and they chased each other's lips after kisses. 

"You're coming back for the Halloween thing right?" Phil asks into Dan's shoulder as he hugs him tightly. 

"Yep, in two weeks." Dan says, squeezing Phil back just as hard. 

People walking past them in the train station gave them weird looks but they didn't pay any attention too it. 

"I have to go Phil." Dan sighs sadly, breathing in Phil's scent before pulling away from the hug. 

"Okay..." Phil looked sad, "I love you." 

Dan smiles brightly, "I love you too." 

Phil watched as Dan disappeared into the crowd of people, he let out a heavy sigh before turning around to leave. 

He was suddenly enveloped in a giant squishy hug from behind, he squeaks in surprise and starts to panic until he hears a voice in his ear, "I'll miss you."

He turns around in Dan's arms, "I'll miss you too, and you're gonna miss your train." 

Dan leans in and kisses Phil softly, "Okay I seriously gotta go now." 

"Bye baby." Phil laughs softly, watching as Dan disappears for real this time. 

With a deep sigh be begins the trek back home. 

Phil started hiding out in his room, he really only left it if he wanted food. That wasn't normal for him, usually he loved spending time with his family. 

His parents thought he was just going through another phase where he was glued to a video game and didn't want to put the controller down, Martyn had suspicions that it was about the Dan thing but he didn't voice it to anyone. 

It was a little after midnight when Phil snuck out of his room to finally eat dinner, he decided to wait for his parents to go to sleep so he could avoid conversation. 

"Hey." Martyn says casually when he sees Phil.

Phil debates on turning around and walking out but he doesn't, he just sighs, "Hey." 

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Phil says as he opens the fridge to look for leftovers. 

"That's a load of bullshit. You've turned into a recluse since Dan left." 

Phil sighs heavily and closes the fridge before turning around, "You- I- ugh." Phil just goes to leave, Martyn blocks the doorway. 

"Phil." He crosses his arms, "Are you upset about what I think you're upset about because-"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Phil shrugs casually and steps farther back. 

Martyn gives him a disbelieving look before sighing, "It's okay, you know." He shrugs. 

Phil feels this rush of awkwardness flow through the air, he didn't want to have this conversation right now. 

"Please don't." Phil pleads, looking at the floor. 

"What? Are you scared to talk about it?" Martyn asks.

Phil gulps and nods his head slowly, he felt ashamed and he wanted to fall to the floor in a fit of tears. This whole thing was so awkward he could be sick. 

"Why?" He asks and Phil wanted to scoff but he didn't, "I mean I don't understand what you're feeling obviously but why is it so scary?"

Phil grits his teeth, "Shut up." He takes a deep breath to stay calm, "Please just stop- shut up." 

Martyn puts his hands up in defense, "I'm sorry." He wasn't purposely trying to upset Phil at all. 

"You don't know what it's like." Phil says suddenly, he felt like crying just because he was thinking about it, "To have this secret that you've kept safe for so long. To feel so trapped and stuck in life because there's something you can't say- you can't find words to just get it out and you're stuck, it's holding you back. You're terrified of judgement and being pushed away, but you just want to be happy. I can't even be happy in my own skin, half the time I'm ashamed of myself just because some people make it seem so wrong." 

Martyn keeps his mouth shut because he knows Phil wasn't done talking, he thinks that maybe this outburst would help him loosen up a bit so he could just breathe. He'd never admit it out loud but he was worried about Phil. 

"I wish I could just be free I guess. With no worries or anything but there's always a roadblock, I'm too scared to tell anyone this secret but it's like the key to my life and it's like I'm just always suffocating. It's so damn hard to act normal when I feel so different, it's like I'm always on the outside looking in and the world is moving on while I'm stuck in place. I feel so held back and restricted like I'm not aloud to live or be me or be happy but god dammit I deserve those things! This secret has ruled over my life for years and now that I have Dan I feel like my secret is threatened. Like it could spill at any second and everything could be over for me. I just want to live and breathe. I want to be with Dan but I'm so fucking scared." Phil felt his heart beating and there was this lump in his throat. He felt tears threatening to spill and he doesn't know why he just said all of that, his brother wouldn't actually care, why would he? 

"Phil you do deserve to be happy." Martyn shrugs, "If judgement is what you're scared of then you should know we won't judge you. Me, mum, and dad, we'll all love you how you are and you should know that. Nobody's gonna turn their back on you here." 

"Deep down I know that but I just- I don't know. I don't want to be treated any differently because I'm still me... I don't want anything to change. I'm just scared of change." Phil tries to control his emotions, he's had all of this pent up inside him for so long. 

"Nobody's going to treat you differently, just because you aren't straight doesn't mean you suddenly aren't my obnoxious little brother." 

Phil rolls his eyes, ignoring Martyn's comment, "So I think everyone here will be accepting of me but what about the general public? That's still a major fear of mine... I don't wanna just hide forever. I'm just scared like what if someone starts glaring at me or yelling mean things at me just because I'm holding another boy's hand? I'm terrified of that..."

"Well fuck them." Martyn says simply, "If they're so far up their own ass that they decide to judge a stranger's choices then they can just piss off. You should be able to go out and be happy and live your best life without worry so fuck what any asshole might think. All that matters is you- you gotta think for yourself, not other people." 

"Yeah... I guess you're right." Phil says softly. 

"Of course i'm right, I'm always right." 

Phil decides to ignore that comment as well just to avoid a brother-y argument, "Did you know?"

"What?"

"Did you know?" Phil asks, fidgeting around and shifting from one foot to another, "Like that I'm- that I'm gay..." Phil felt this weird relief the second he actually said it. 

Martyn seemed unaffected, "Like did I suspect it?" Phil nods, "Well... actually no, not really." 

"Oh okay." Phil sighs in relief, "So it's not obvious?"

"Well I mean how long have you considered yourself to be gay?"

"Umm... since fifteen or sixteen maybe? I think I was always a little confused but that's around when I started to be sure of it I guess..." 

"That's seven years you've been hiding... Jesus, no wonder you're scared you've like buried yourself." Martyn sighs, "And no I never really suspected anything until like a few months ago." 

"What? Why did you start suspecting anything?" Phil had a look of mild panic in his eyes. 

"Well you started talking about this Dan guy quite a lot, and I heard you two talking over Skype a few times. Like I just caught little things because I honestly don't give a fuck about what you do but I just heard you two being really flirty and I was like yeah that's a little peculiar."

"Oh... you- you don't think mum or dad-"

"No I don't think they know anything. As far as they're concerned you and Dan are just close friends." 

"Good." Phil sighs with relief for what seems like the millionth time, "Just- you won't tell them will you?"

"No- god no." Martyn assures, "It's not my place, you know I covered for you and Dan in the kitchen the other day. I know you two definitely weren't fighting over a cookie." 

Martyn's gaze makes Phil shrink back, his face bright red, "Well thanks for that..."

"It's nothing." Martyn replies, "But for a future idea maybe you two shouldn't make out on the kitchen counter, you do have a bedroom you know." 

"I know- we just kinda got caught up in the moment..." Phil coughs awkwardly as his brother rolls his eyes. 

"You got caught up in something."

"Shut up!" Phil pushes him. 

Martyn laughs teasingly, "Taunting you is my job, just let it go." 

"You're rude."

"I've been called worse." Martyn shrugs, unbothered, "So do you think you'll come out to mum and dad anytime soon?" 

Phil shifts nervously, biting his lip, "I don't know..." 

"I just want you to be happy and free like you want. Now that you've told me all of this I feel kind of bad for you... you shouldn't have to feel so scared and alone."

"I might do it when Dan comes back in a few weeks... so I have him here for support. It'll be easier..." Phil says. 

"Remember, I'm on your side too." Martyn says, "Just please don't make me walk in on you sucking face with your boyfriend again." 

Phil laughs lightly, "No promises." 

Phil didn't hide away in his room anymore, deciding to actually interact with his family. He wasn't as scared anymore but he still wasn't ready to come out.

He knew he wanted too, he just needed another little push in that direction, and Dan being with him would be the push he needs. 

Unfortunately Dan wouldn't be arriving for almost two weeks.

The four of them- Phil, Martyn, and their parents- were all sat at the table mindlessly eating dinner and chatting. 

Well Phil's parents were chatting, he was busy texting Dan beneath the table and Martyn was busy stuffing his face and trying to read Phil's texts like the obnoxious older brother he was. 

"Oh honey, did I tell you Seth got engaged? You know the guy I work with?" 

"No you didn't but that's great! I haven't met him more than a few times though." 

"Stop it!" Phil whispers aggressively before elbowing Martyn away from him, he was just trying to text Dan without getting caught. 

"Phil you don't have your phone out do you?" Phil's father asks. 

Martyn suppresses a laugh and Phil glares at him, "No..." 

"It's rude to text at the dinner table." He adds. 

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." Phil puts his phone away and punches Martyn in the arm. 

"Behave." Phil's mum tells the two boys who both try to look innocent and blame it on the other. She ignores the boys and turns her attention back to her precious conversation.

"I'm surprised he's engaged honestly." Phil's dad says as he takes a drink of his water. 

"Why?" 

Phil goes back to subtly texting, luckily Martyn leaves him alone this time. 

"He always gave me an obvious gay vibe." He shrugs. 

Phil's head shoots up and he looks at his parents across the table with a wide-eyed look. 

"What do you mean?" Phil's mum doesn't notice Phil's reaction. Only Martyn seems to notice. 

"You know, he's a little more flamboyant than your normal man." He shrugs, "He carries a purse and clings to his guy friends a little too much..."

Martyn looks over to see Phil almost visibly shaking. He looked like he was either going to start yelling out of anger or he was going to run out of the room and cry. 

"Dad." Martyn says suddenly, gaining his attention. 

"What?"

"Stop." Martyn says, shaking his head in what was almost disappointment. He glances over to see Phil staring down at his food emotionlessly, "It's not funny."

"I didn't say it was funny, I was just saying what I think and what I see."

"Still. Maybe it isn't cool, just because a guy doesn't act like a 'normal' guy doesn't mean anything, stop stereotyping." Martyn says, effectively ending the conversation. 

"Alright... I didn't realize that upset you." His dad says, respecting his son's thoughts and opinions. 

"Well it does." Martyn says under his breath. 

"I- I'm done." Phil stands up from the table and rushes out of the room, Martyn watches him with worried eyes, now that he knew Phil's secret he can understand why that little event was upsetting. 

"He barely touched his food." His mum says in a worried tone, obviously noticing the rushed way he left.

"He seemed upset..." His dad adds before looking to Martyn, "Do you know if anything is wrong with him? He seems off lately..." 

Martyn swallows thickly, thinking up a response, "Yeah he's fine, I just talked to him last night." 

"What's wrong with him?"

"Um..." Martyn tries to think of something to say, "Nothing really, he's just stressing over some game a little too much. You know how Phil is." He adverts his eyes.

"That boy and his games, he says he's having fun but then they stress him out like this." She shakes her head and sighs.

"Yeah um- I'm done too." Martyn gets up and rushes out just like Phil had done, leaving their parents in a weird state of silent confusion. 

"Phil...?" Martyn knocks lightly on Phil's door.

"What?!" Comes a muffled yell. 

"Can I come in?" 

"Whatever." 

Martyn pushes the door open, closing it behind him, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I mean... You're suffocating yourself with a pillow." Martyn says, seeing Phil stuffing his face into a pillow like he's trying to avoid something. 

Phil uncovers his face and sniffs, his eyes were red-rimmed and tears stained his cheeks. 

Martyn sighs, "Phil..."

"I'm fine." Phil huffs, "Just make fun of me for crying like a normal big brother and leave."

Martyn rolls his eyes, "I'm not gonna make fun of you- for once." He tried to joke a bit, Phil doesn't even smile. 

"I don't know why that upset me that much... just the way he said those things... like it was bad..."

"I know, I heard him." Martyn exhales heavily, watching Phil pull his knees to his chest and take a deep shuddery breath. 

"What if he doesn't accept me?"

"Phil you know he will, he was just being a dick. He doesn't know what he's saying when he does shit like that."

"I just didn't like hearing him talk like that."

"I can understand why, I know you're scared Phil and honestly he's an asshole for just talking like that. Stereotyping even pisses me off. I know I can't really know how you feel exactly but you're gonna be okay. Whenever you decide to tell mum and dad you know you have support, you have me and you obviously have Dan, just don't let this one little thing change your mind about coming out. Don't let anything hold you back anymore, you said that was one of your problems." 

"Yeah, I let things hold me back too much... I still might come out with Dan in a few weeks but only if it feels right. I don't want it to be all awkward and stuff like it was with you." 

"You don't want them to walk in on you doing Dan on the counter basically-"

"Martyn!" Phil shrieks. 

"I mean..." Martyn shrugs.

"Ugh." Phil groans, "Alright go away, I've had enough of you and I wanna Skype Dan." 

Martyn chuckles and rolls his eyes before leaving, the door closing lightly behind him. 

Things were weird for Phil the next few days, his parents kept eyeing him weirdly and asking him odd things. They were treading lightly around him and he didn't know why. He knows they didn't know, Martyn wouldn't tell them, unless they managed to find out but Phil doubts it. He kept his secret locked up as tight as he could. 

"Everything okay with you?" Phil's mum asks him.

Phil gulps, putting on his best fake smile, "Yeah."

"Alright, just wondering because you seem a little distanced lately. Nothing's happened with you has it?" 

"No, I don't know why I seem distant honestly, it's not on purpose." 

"You're probably busy talking to that little friend of yours." She smiles.

Phil goes bright red, "Yeah kinda." 

"Isn't he coming to Manchester in a few weeks?"

"Yeah for the Halloween gathering..." 

"Me and your father might be out for a bit that weekend so you boys might have to fend for yourselves food wise." 

"We will manage I'm sure." He smiles. 

"Don't just eat sweets either, you gotta take care of yourself boy." She nudges him, knowing her son well enough to know he'd just live off of sweets and cookies if he could. 

Phil laughs, "Okay okay."

She sighs, "Anyway, I like that little friend of yours, Dan's a pretty nice boy. I'm glad you finally have a good friend so you aren't just sucked into video games all the time."

Phil can feel his heart thudding, "Yeah... me too."

"You know me, as long as you're happy I'm happy." She ruffles his hair and continues tidying the kitchen. 

Phil gulps, he feels this burst of anxiety but he feels like it would just be so easy to say it right now, "H-hey mum?"

She turns to look at him with a warm smile, "Yes child?"

He opens and closes his mouth a few times, feeling his brain work against him. He was so used to not saying it that he physically couldn't form the words. Red flags went up everywhere and the anxious feeling flooded his body, "Um- never mind." 

She looks mildly concerned but decides to let it go which he was thankful for, "Okay... it's okay don't worry yourself over nothing Philip." 

The days until Dan's arrival went by slowly and Phil was bored beyond belief until it was finally the day. 

"I'm going to go get Dan- I'll be back!" Phil yells from the front door.

Martyn walks out of the hallway at that moment and gives him this snarky look and Phil wanted to punch him.

"Shut your face Martyn." Phil says. 

"Hey, be nice." Their mum pops out of the kitchen to hear that, "Anyway, be careful, have fun." 

"I will!" Phil replies before leaving the house and quickly walking down the sidewalk. 

Phil was leaned against the brick wall, waiting for Dan to arrive. He sighs heavily and taps his foot impatiently, deciding to check his phone once more. 

He has a message from Dan saying 'I missed my train...'

Phil instantly feels this overwhelming sadness, he had been looking forward to seeing Dan again since the day he left the first time. He tries to push back his overwhelming tears of disappointment and he pushes himself off of the wall. 

He is almost immediately nudged by someone, "Hey stranger."

Phil looks over to see his absolute asshole of a boyfriend standing there smiling mischievously at him. 

"You're a dick." Phil blatantly says, sending Dan into a fit of giggles. 

"Aww you really know the way to talk to a boy don't you." 

Phil shakes his head incredulously, "You might as well just go home, I hate you now."

Dan snorts, "Sure you do." He links his arm with Phil's as they walk away from the train station. 

Phil feels a little self-conscious when he sees people staring at their linked arms, he knows it's all in his head but he's just been so nervous and shaken up recently. He tries to ignore it and focuses on Dan instead.

They flirt with each other and playfully make fun of each other the whole way to Phil's house, dropping their linked arms as soon as they enter the door. 

"Where's mum and dad?" Phil asks, seeing only Martyn lounging on the sofa. 

"They left for a bit, won't be back until late tonight." Martyn replies, not turning his attention away from the television. 

"Oh alright." Phil shrugs before grabbing Dan's hand and pulling him down the hall. 

Dan shuts Phil's door behind them before copying Phil by kicking off his shoes and pulling off his jacket. 

Phil flops onto his bed before holding open his arms, "Come here." 

Dan doesn't hesitate to fall into bed next to him and snuggle closer, letting Phil's arms envelop him in a warm cuddly hug. 

"I missed you." Phil says, his chin resting on top of Dan's head. 

Dan breathes in deeply, loving the familiar scent of Phil, "I missed you too." He hums, his voice muffled by Phil's clothed shoulder. 

Phil just holds Dan, feeling relaxed and so in love. This is what he wanted forever and god dammit he wanted the whole world to know it. 

"Phil?" Dan pulls back a bit so they were face to face. 

"Hmm?" Phil hums, letting his eyes slowly open to see big beautiful brown ones staring back at him. 

"I love you so much it's crazy." Dan sighs.

Phil felt his heart flutter, Dan was looking at him with the most lovey look a person could possibly give, "I love you too Dan, so much. I never wanna let you go as cheesy as it sounds." Phil tightens his arms around Dan for effect. 

"I like cheesy, as long as it's you." Dan giggles lightly, still gazing at Phil. 

Phil leans in and presses a soft kiss to Dan's lips, "You're so beautiful Dan, in every sense of the word." Phil doesn't miss the blush that rises to Dan's cheeks. 

"Shut up." Dan replies, sounding as fond as ever before pressing his lips back to Phil's. 

Phil giggles against Dan's lips as he kisses him back, letting their lips mold together like perfect puzzle pieces. 

Dan couldn't describe all of his feelings but kissing Phil just made him feel so warm and lovely. Phil cared for him so much and Dan felt so loved, like he finally belonged somewhere or with someone. He fit with Phil perfectly and he never wanted to quit him, he knows he is young but this just feels so damn right that he's not scared to say forever- and he wants this forever. 

Phil gently nips Dan's bottom lip making the younger giggle and gasp at the same time, and that- that is the noise that makes Phil's stomach light up on the inside and feel warm and fuzzy. Just the little gasp-like moans and giggly laughs that emitted from Dan as they kissed made him sink deeper into the pit of love that he'd thought he'd already found the bottom of. Somehow every time he talks to Dan, thinks of Dan, or touches Dan he falls deeper in love and as every day passes his heart just feels fuller and fuller, it was heavy in the best possible way. 

Dan's hands trail up Phil's chest, one going to his hair and the other to the back of his neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss. 

Dan parts his lips for Phil and their tongues tangle hotly making Dan sigh like he was in his own personal heaven. 

Phil squeezes Dan's hipbone to get another gasp from him, he smirks against Dan's mouth before plunging his tongue in deeper, showing Dan his love and affection with his actions. 

Dan's mind felt hazy in such an amazing way, Phil made him feel all floaty and nice. He drags his dull nails along Phil's scalp making him moan deeply into his mouth. 

Phil pulls back a little, sucking on Dan's plump bottom lip. Dan inhales sharply, a small moan getting caught up in his throat. Phil let's Dan's lip snap back into place and Dan already looked so blissed out. 

His pupils were blown, his cheeks were flushed, his lips were red and swollen, his breathing was uneven and he was still clawing at Phil, begging for more. 

He looked like an angel in the most wonderfully sinful way. 

Phil makes a breathy noise before muttering, "I love you." and sealing his lips over Dan's again, not giving him time to respond. 

Dan didn't need words to respond, the way he was kissing Phil back so desperately was a whole reply in itself. Dan was eager to slide his lips in sync with Phil's and his noises were needy but nothing was too rushed. It was slow, loving, and perfect. 

Dan removed his hands from Phil's hair and wrapped them around his shoulders, he leans back and pulls Phil onto him. Phil complies and gently rests his body weight on Dan, keeping himself pushed up on one elbow as his other hand rubs against warm skin beneath the hem of Dan's t-shirt. 

The kiss slows down to languid pecks and Dan hums a tone against Phil's lips, making Phil pull away and look down at him questioningly. 

"What is it?" Phil asks, his lips parted with heavy breaths, Dan was the same way. 

"Um I-I love you and..." Dan gulps nervously, chewing on his swollen bottom lip. 

"I love you too baby, you know that." Phil smiles at him affectionately, his hand that was resting against Dan's hip moves up to brush the fringe out of his face. 

Dan leans into the touch and Phil let's his hand linger against Dan's cheek for a few seconds before letting it relax aimlessly on Dan's shoulder. 

"No like... um-" Dan swallows thickly, his eyes flicking down to Phil's lips before he looks off into nothing nervously. 

Phil moves off of Dan to relax beside him, "What's on your mind?"

Dan wishes Phil wouldn't have rolled off of him, he already missed the comforting warm weight of Phil's body pressed on top of his own.

Dan leans in and presses a lingering kiss to Phil's lips, "You're so wonderful Phil, you have no idea." Dan sighs lightly, staring into Phil's ocean blue eyes, "I feel like we're soulmates and I don't usually believe in that kind of stuff... I just really really love you and I want to be so close to you." Dan presses his body into to Phil's side. Phil rests his hand lazily on his waist. 

"Are you..." Phil trails off, both of them looking at each other with a mutual expression, a mix of nervousness and pure love. 

"Yeah..." Dan whispers against Phil's lips, closing his eyes as he presses their foreheads together, "I want you... I want to be that close to you and I love you so goddamn much, I'm sure of this." 

Phil nods slightly before kissing Dan soft and slow, letting Dan pull his body back on top of him. 

Phil let's himself relax into the kiss, feeling Dan relax immediately after he does. Phil has that much of an effect on him. 

They kiss for a bit longer until Phil plants one last soft kiss against his lips and pulls back, "You're absolutely sure?" 

"Yes, Phil." Dan gives him a smile, he wasn't that scared because he trusted Phil so much, there was a healthy amount of nerves but it wasn't as bad as he thought he'd be. 

Phil smiles back at Dan fondly, eyes full of every loving emotion you could possibly think of. 

He climbs off of Dan to quickly jog over and lock the door- just in case. 

"Good idea." Dan giggles as Phil returns to the bed and kisses him. 

Dan let's Phil touch him slowly, caressing down his sides and up his chest beneath his shirt. He was drowning in the affection and he didn't want to come up for air. Phil made him feel so alive. 

"You've never done this right?" Phil asks, he was probably more nervous than Dan. He didn't want to hurt him and he'd never been with a complete virgin before- all he knew was he had to be slow, and he was going to take this at Dan's pace. 

"No, I haven't. You know that, I've told you." Dan says and Phil nods. 

"Yeah I know- okay." Phil pecks his lips sweetly, "We'll go slow, no rush." 

Phil grips the hem of Dan's shirt and starts to pull it up, "This okay?"

"Phil it's fine." Dan let's out a little giggle, "You seem more nervous than me here." 

"I know, I just don't want to disappoint I guess." Phil bites his lip, a habit he's picked up from Dan. 

"I don't think that's possible, you amaze me in every way and I adore you so much. Do you want this?" Dan asks. 

Phil nods, "Yes. But you know me I worry about everything." Phil smiles and let's out a light laugh. 

"I know you do, it's cute sometimes just because it's so you- and you're obviously adorable." Dan says making Phil roll his eyes. 

Dan leans up onto his elbows so Phil can pull his shirt up, eventually getting it off of him. The movements were shaky and clumsy but just so perfect. 

Phil pushes Dan back down onto his back before kissing along his jawline, Dan turns his head to give Phil access to the expanse of his neck. 

Phil relishes in the soft noises coming from Dan's mouth as he kisses his neck, he leaves a trail of wet opened-mouth kisses along the most sensitive part of Dan's neck. Dan was gripping at the back of his shirt like it was the only thing he could do. 

Phil gently sinks his teeth into Dan's sweet spot and he emits a high-pitched moan, Phil let's his tongue run over the bite to soothe the ache as Dan's moan subsides to needy little whimpers. 

Phil was careful not to leave any hickeys where they would be seen, especially as he kissed and licked his way down the column of Dan's throat. 

"Ah- Phil!" Dan moans and tugs at Phil's shirt, wanting it off so he could feel some sort of skin-on-skin contact. 

Phil sits up and reaches behind him to pull his shirt over his head- Dan wanted to curse him for removing his shirt in the sexiest way possible. 

Phil flings it on the floor with Dan's before leaning back down and latching his lips onto the skin below his collar bone. Dan writhes beneath Phil and soft moans leave his mouth, he gently claws at Phil's back making him hum pleasurably against his skin. 

Phil leaves a mark this time, knowing it could be hidden from view by a t-shirt. He slowly moves down Dan's chest, leaving a line of marks in his path. Dan was his, he was Dan's. 

Dan emits an even higher sounding mantra of moans as Phil gently nips at the sensitive skin below his belly button. He bucks up into Phil's touch and Phil can feel how hard Dan is through his jeans.

Phil's hands work to unbutton Dan's jeans and pull them down his long lanky legs, they end up inside out on the floor. 

Phil quickly crawls up Dan's body to kiss his eager boy again, it was his turn to moan into Dan's mouth when he feels Dan's palm grip him through his jeans. He instinctively bucks his hips against Dan's hand making Dan shy away because he didn't know what to do. 

"Sorry." They both pull away and say in unison. 

"Don't be baby." Phil says, "You can touch me if you want too and you don't need to be shy about it."

"But I don't know what I'm doing..."

"It's okay, just do what feels right to you and I'm sure it'll feel really right with me." Phil says making Dan laugh, the mood instantly got lighter and Dan's nerves dissipated once again. 

Dan pushes against Phil's chest so he was straddling his lap, his hands move to work on getting Phil out of his jeans. 

"I can't get it." Dan mutters softly, his cheeks tinted red. 

Phil leans down and kisses the tip of his nose, giggling ever so softly. He clambers off of Dan's lap and clumsily removes his own jeans. 

Dan sighs, looking Phil up and down, "You're so pretty, Phil." 

Phil blushes before ruffling Dan's hair, "So are you." 

"What are you doing?" Dan asks, watching Phil dig into the back of his bedside drawer, he must have really hidden what he was trying to find. 

"Looking for the necessities- there it is." Phil pulls out a small bottle of clear lube and a condom. 

Dan gulps, he was starting to feel a bit nervous.

"You still okay?" Phil asks as he climbs onto the foot of the bed, setting the stuff to the side. 

"I'm nervous- but I still want to have sex with you." Dan says, he didn't want Phil to back out just because he felt a little nervous. 

"It's perfectly normal to feel nervous Dan, it's okay. I'm gonna take care of you, I'll make it feel good alright?" Phil says in a reassuring tone, letting his hands rub up and down Dan's thighs. 

Dan nods, he felt tingly and his heart felt full, "Alright. I love you."

Phil smiles, "I love you too." He leans down and presses his lips to Dan's, kissing him for a minute before curling his fingers around the elastic waistband on Dan's boxers. 

Dan squirms a bit, moaning when he comes in contact with Phil's thigh, he bucks up and tries to grind on it but Phil moves away.

Phil slowly pulls Dan's boxers down his legs, throwing them beside his jeans. This is the first time he's seen Dan like this, so open. His skin was warm and inviting and he was so damn beautiful. 

Dan was breathing heavy, gasping out a request, "Phil please... c-can you touch me?" 

"Of course Dan, you don't have to be shy." Phil squeezes his inner thigh and Dan squeaks in surprise. 

Phil grabs the lube and drizzles some of the liquid substance in his palm before wrapping his hand around Dan's leaking cock. Dan immediately moans in the most sinful sounding way. 

Phil slowly gets Dan to relax as he pumps his hand slowly up and down. His other hand massages Dan's thigh, feeling the muscles beneath his skin eventually relax from the delightful pleasure Phil was giving him. 

Phil was lazily stroking Dan's dick, not even making his movements quick enough for Dan to come. He wanted this to last and feel as good as possible for both of them. 

"Dan?" Phil asks, slowing his hand to a stop, Dan's soft noises fade into nothing and he opens his eyes to softly look at Phil, "Can I start stretching you now? Is that okay?"

Dan nods subtly, swallowing around the lump in his throat.

Phil removes his hand from Dan's dick making him whimper at the loss of feeling. Phil quickly grabs the lube and snaps open the cap with shaky hands, he just kept telling himself, 'remember, virgin, be slow' he had never been slow with anyone before, he'd only had a few sloppy fucks but this was entirely different. He never wanted this to be sloppy, he wanted it to be slow and loving. He loved Dan and this was his first real relationship and he hoped it was his only one because he never wanted anyone else, just Dan for the rest of time. 

Phil guides Dan's legs up to bend at the knees, "Spread your legs a bit, baby." Dan does as Phil requests.

"Tell me if it hurts and I'll stop or be slower, just communicate with me alright?" Phil requests. 

"Okay Phil, I trust you." Dan says, letting out the breath he was previously holding. 

Phil slides one lube-coated finger into Dan, finding little resistance but not enough for Dan to be uncomfortable yet. 

"I can take two." Dan gasps as Phil crooks his finger lightly, "I- I have before..." 

Phil tries not to think of Dan fingering himself to get off but he fails and his cock actually twitches in his boxers. 

Phil adds more lube before pressing another finger into Dan, pushing them both in to the second knuckle. He's so tight and Phil wonders if Dan will ever be ready to take his cock because he wasn't exactly small. 

Phil was slow and careful with his movements, scissoring his fingers together and stretching Dan as gently as he possibly could. 

Dan started to relax and he was even rocking down into the slight thrust of Phil's fingers, soft gasps leaving his perfectly plump lips. 

"Mmm..." Dan hums, feeling a tingly bolt of pleasure shoot through his veins and strike all of his most sensitive nerves, "Again-" he gasps open-mouthed and heavy. 

Phil gently pushes against that spot, feeling the difference between it and the slick warm walls around his fingers. 

"Ah god- fuck!" Dan's back arches and he forces himself to relax because Phil was whispering softly to him and pressing warm kisses to his inner thighs. "What- what was that." Dan breathes. 

"Prostate." Phil answers as he drizzles more lube over Dan's hole. 

"T-that's actually like real?" 

Phil almost laughs, instead he just jabs at it again and Dan practically chokes on his own tongue as he moans loudly and his hips jackknife off of the bed. 

Phil pushes his hips back down gently so Dan was once again flat against the mattress, "Easy..." 

"I'm gonna add another." Phil says and Dan just hums in pleasure for a reply. 

Phil has to work to push in a third finger and Dan tenses up a bit, "Relax love, just breathe."

"It doesn't really hurt it just feels so full and- okay yeah it hurts a bit..." Dan says, his voice slightly weak from all the moaning he's been doing. 

"Do you need me to stop?" Phil asks, slowing his fingers as he waits for a reply. 

"No, no it's okay. It's not that bad." Dan says truthfully. 

"I can get your mind off of the hurt." Phil says, sucking a dark bruise into Dan's inner thigh.

Dan groans and arches his head back into the pillow, "Phil-" he gasps. 

Phil grips Dan's dick in his unoccupied hand before guiding it to his lips, taking the head of Dan's cock in his mouth. He had a terrible gag reflex so he wasn't good at blowjobs but he could give Dan just enough pleasure to distract him from the slight pain. 

He really wasn't expecting Dan to scream the second his mouth connected with his dick, "Phil!" 

Phil let's it slide, his brother was clear downstairs with the television on anyway. It would take a lot for him to hear anything. 

Phil hums around Dan's cock making him release this guttural sounding moan that made Phil so close to losing it. Dan's noises were just so hot, Phil could probably get off on his moans alone. 

Phil pushes his fingers into Dan farther as he sucks harder and bobs his head slightly, distracting Dan from the slight twinge of pain.

Dan couldn't help it, he grabs a fistful of Phil's hair and pushes him down more, making Phil choke. Phil pulls off instantly and coughs for several seconds. 

"I'm sorry-" Dan says, gasping when Phil accidentally shifts his fingers around. 

"It's fine, you didn't know, but I don't really have a deepthroating ability so I'm terrible at blowjobs." Phil tells him. 

"You seem to be fucking amazing at everything else so that's alright." Dan says making Phil chuckle a bit. 

"Does it still hurt?" Phil asks. 

"No." Dan replies, trying to push himself down further onto Phil's fingers but they were already as deep as they could go, "Im ready."

Then Phil gets a rush of nervousness, he's going to have to summon so much control as to not hurt Dan. "You're absolutely completely sure?"

"Yes Phil." Dan replies, "I want you."

Phil pulls his fingers out, wiping the lube off onto his discarded jeans. 

He stands up and pushes the waistband of his boxers down, noticing Dan watching him with intent. Phil couldn't help his slight smirk as he pushes them down enough for his cock to spring out, Dan audibly gasps. Phil kicks his boxers off to the side and grabs the condom, fumbling with it for a minute before tearing the foil package open with his teeth and rolling it onto himself. 

He drizzles a fair amount of lube onto his dick, moaning deeply as he strokes himself a few times. He needed this so badly but he had to have control and be slow. 

Phil leans over top of Dan and kisses him passionately, Dan immediately hooks his legs around Phil's waist and pulls him close so they were flush against each other. 

Phil wasn't even in Dan yet and the contact was enough to make him shudder. 

"Can I?" Phil asks, watching Dan for any sense of uncertainty. 

Dan nods, "Slow?"

"I'll be slow, this is about you okay? Just tell me when to slow down or when to go faster." Phil says and Dan nods again before reaching down in between them, he grips Phil's cock in his hand making the older boy gasp. 

Dan gave him a few small strokes to experiment a bit, Phil's cock was warm and heavy in his hand. It was a lot thicker than Dan's and a few inches longer too, "Dan-" Phil breathes, closing his eyes and pressing their foreheads together. 

"You can." Dan says, lining Phil's cock up with his hole. He removes his hand and drapes both of his arms around Phil's shoulders, keeping his legs up. 

"You sure you'll be comfortable like this? You can flip over if you need too or you can ride me-"

Dan kisses him to shut him up, "Stop worrying love, I'm comfortable and I'm ready." 

Phil gives him a warm smile, "Good." He presses his lips to Dan's quickly before leaning back. 

He watches as his cock slowly slides into Dan for a few seconds before flicking his eyes up to Dan's face. He was silent and his jaw hung open and he looked completely blissed out and full of pleasure, Phil didn't know whether to concentrate on his face or where he was slowly taking Phil in.

Dan seemed to take him easily with barely any resistance.

A small noise of pain leaves Dan's lips as he bottoms out and he halts all movement, he gently leans down to kiss all over Dan's face. 

"I love you so much, you're doing so good. Are you okay?" Phil kisses Dan's cheek and pecks his lips, trying to distract him from the pain. 

"I'm okay-" Dan says, opening his eyes to look up at Phil, his eyes were watery with tears from the slight twinge of pain, "Just don't move for a minute."

"Take as long as you need." Phil says, ignoring his needs in favor of taking care of Dan. 

Dan waits a few minutes, accepting a few long kisses from Phil as he gets used to the stretch. He experimentally shifts his hips a bit and Phil let's him do what he needs to be comfortable, "You're big." 

"I know." Phil responds, he wished he was smaller just so Dan wouldn't hurt at all. Luckily he seemed okay for the most part. 

"Okay you-" Dan swallows, "You can move- slow." 

Phil slowly pulls out before pushing in again, trying to choke back a moan at the sheer tightness of Dan around him. It felt so good but he couldn't fully enjoy it, not until Dan was free of pain. 

"Oh..." Dan breathes, feeling this new sensation in such an amazing way, "It- its good... it feels good." 

Phil presses a lingering kiss to the corner of Dans mouth, "Any pain?"

"Not really- it mostly feels good." Dan says, tightening his arms around Phil's shoulders. 

Phil slowly moves in and out of Dan again, practically breathing in Dan's pleasured moan as he seals his lips over Dan's.

Phil gently traces his hands up and down Dan's sides, feeling his uneven breathing beneath his hands. 

"You can go faster." Dan tells Phil, their mouths so close together. Dan could feel Phil's warm breath fanning his face. 

Phil goes a little faster, breathing out a moan of Dan's name. 

Dan drags his dull nail's down Phil's pale skin, leaving light red trails down his back. 

"Fuck-" Dan softly moans, it felt like he was slowly going numb and Phil was just so good, "So good- ah..." 

Phil kisses Dan again, immediately shoving his tongue past Dan's lips and swallowing all of his moans and pleasured noises.

Dan grips onto Phil harder and pulls him down so every inch of their bodies were slotted with one another and their warm skin was completely flush together. 

Dan can feel every movement in Phil's body as he slowly thrusts in and out of him. Every push and pull of muscle, every shuddered breath, all of it. It felt like they were actually one person right now and Dan was bathing in this feeling, he felt so fucking amazing all because of Phil and he loved him so much he could cry tears of joy. 

"Phil, Phil, Ph- oh fuck-" Dan babbles, most of his noises weren't coherent but Phil didn't care because Dan was enjoying this just as much as he was. 

Dan pushes himself into Phil's soft thrusts and doesn't hold anything back, he moans freely and reacts in all the right ways to Phil touching him. Phil was so gentle and loving- Dan wanted to stay like this forever and be in his arms, he wanted to be this close to Phil and Phil only. This intimate moment made his heart feel happier than ever and he's so ecstatic that he gets to share this with the man he loves more than anything. 

Phil feels Dan eagerly shifting beneath him so he snaps his hips a little harder, making Dan gasp out an incomprehensible bunch of words. 

Phil shifts his angle a bit and Dan instantly stills, going silent as his body trembles with such an insane amount of pleasure that he doesn't know what to do with himself. Dan seems frozen until he manages to open his eyes and look at Phil with this look of wonder and amazement- like he didn't know something could feel that good. "Holy fuck wow-" 

Phil let's a little chuckle slip as he stops his movements to let Dan ground himself again, "You alright baby?"

"I'm fucking- wow- alright, okay-" Dan blinks up at Phil and takes a deep breath, "Fuck." 

Phil presses a giggly kiss to Dan's lips, "Just breathe baby, let it go." 

Phil resumes his movements and Dan's face looks even more blissed out than before, "Go a little- just-" Dan tries to direct Phil but he doesn't know what he's saying so he adjusts himself by shifting his hips up just as Phil thrusts in, directly nailing his prostate. 

Dan's eyes shoot open and his mouth falls open as his body goes rigid, "Oh shit- fuck I'm- god- Phil!" 

Dan claws at Phil with one hand and death-grips the pillow beneath his head with the other as Phil keeps thrusting into that one spot making him babble out moans and form sentences that don't make any sense. 

Phil reaches between them to grip Dan's cock, he grabs it and squeezes lightly at the same time he hits Dan's sweet spot again and again. He fists Dan's cock with purpose, making Dan unable to stay still as he keeps moaning and babbling and shuddering- and fuck Dan was so hot in bed, Phil couldn't take it. 

Just the fact that only Phil gets to see Dan like this, only Phil gets to make Dan feel this way, only Phil gets to make Dan scream and pant, only Phil, forever only Phil. 

"Oh fu- Dan I'm close..." Phil pants heavily into the crook of Dan's neck, trying to keep his thrusts from getting sloppy as his body begins to spill over with pleasure. 

"Me too." Dan manages to speak out through his babbles of pleasure, he could feel his toes curling in delight as a bolt of the most amazing sensation shoots up his spine like electricity. Dan trembles as he feels his fingertips go numb, the rest of his body following suit as he succumbs to the feeling of the immense pleasure that's enveloping him. 

Dan let's out a loud scream-like moan as he comes, Phil jerks his cock quickly to help him along as Dan writhes around and screams Phil's name like it was a prayer. 

Phil eventually let's Dans sensitive and spent cock go, working on his own release. Dan whines as the overstimulation sets in and Phil tries to hurry it up, drowning in the soft 'uh, uh, uhs' leaving Dan's lips with every thrust. 

Dan feels Phil's stomach tense from where they were pressed so close together and a deep moan leaves Phil's throat as his eyes shut softly and his jaw hangs open. Dan blinks at him and, fuck, he thinks, Phil looks like a damn porn star when he comes- hell, he looks better than that. Phil is so unbelievably hot Dan just goes limp against the mattress, listening to his racing heart beat heavily in his ears as he tries to calm down. 

Phil stays still for a moment, trying to wrap his mind around reality before pulling out slowly, watching Dan for any sign of discomfort. 

Dan winces a bit when he fully pulls out and Phil softly rubs his thigh as a sign to just relax. 

Phil disposes of the condom and puts away the lube before climbing into bed beside Dan. 

Dan's face scrunches up a bit as he rolls over to face Phil, "Ow."

"Do you hurt?" Phil asks in concern.

"A little, nothing I can't handle." Dan reassures him, his legs felt stiff from keeping them held up so long. He relaxes into Phil's arms, breathing slowly as his lungs regain the ability to work normally. 

Phil presses a kiss to Dan's mildly sweat-dampened hair, it was starting to go curly, "That was perfect."

"It was." Dan replies, softly kissing Phil's shoulder because it's what he was closest to, "Thank you Phil."

"For what?"

"For making that literally perfect." 

"You don't have to thank me, lovely." Phil kisses Dan's forehead, pushing his fringe back away from it gently. He immediately returns his arm to Dan's waist. 

"I love you, Phil." Dan says, gripping him tighter for emphasis. 

"I love you too, Dan." Phil snuggles closer, if closer was even possible. 

"I'm sticky." Dan says after a few minutes to break the silence. 

Phil laughs before pulling back and kissing Dan on the nose, "We can go shower." 

"Together?"

"If that's what you want, my parents aren't home." Phil says. 

"But your brother is- oh shit..." Dan gulps, "I was really loud wasn't I?"

"Oh well, he knows we're together... I don't think he could hear us because he's on the other side of the house." 

Dan sighs sleepily, "Let's go shower." 

They eventually get out of the shower, long after the water had run cold. They were too busy having bubble fights and little make-out sessions in between actually getting clean. 

"You can wear these." Phil says, throwing some of his clothes at Dan, Dan's bag was downstairs and neither of them felt like running down there in a towel to get it. 

They get dressed in warm pajamas before Dan walks up to Phil and just leans into him, Phil wraps his arm around his boyfriend and nuzzles into his neck, a strand of Dan's wet curly hair tickling his nose. 

"I'm hungry." Dan says making Phil laugh.

"Alright, let's go raid the kitchen." Phil gives Dan a little pat on the bum making him squeak in surprise. 

"Ow! My ass hurts thank you very much!" Dan playfully shoves Phil. 

"Oopsies." Phil kisses Dan on the cheek before following him out of the room and down the stairs towards the kitchen. 

Dan continues into the kitchen without as much as glancing at Martyn who was glaring at the two, seeming annoyed. 

Phil stops in his tracks and tries to be sassy, "What?" 

"Seriously? What?" Martyn quirks an eyebrow at his little brother, watching as Phil shrinks under his gaze. 

"You heard-"

"Yep." Martyn confirms. 

"Oh." 

Martyn sighs, "You couldn't have told me to go on a walk or something?"

"Would you have really just gone on a walk if I told you too?" Phil asks sassily. 

"Probably not- but do you know how weird it is to hear your little brother having sex because it's extremely weird. You're like eight years old to me." 

"I'm twenty three!" 

"Whatever, go stuff your face with cookies and shut up. Mum and Dad should be home in a few hours." Martyn gets up and leaves the room, obviously not wanting to talk to Phil or Dan anymore. 

Dan and Phil both eat their fair share of cookies before flopping onto the couch together, deciding to watch whatever movie was already on. 

Phil lays down and Dan lays on him, his head on Phil's chest. Dan sighs in content, "Warmth." He snuggles into the crook of Phil's neck. 

"Sleepy?" Phil asks.

"Yeah." Dan yawns.

"You can nap if you want, I'll cuddle you." Phil hugs Dan tightly, not even debating on letting go. 

"Okay." Dan sighs and completely relaxes, he let's sleepiness take him over, "I love you." He mumbles.

"I love you too." Phil replies warmly, holding Dan to his chest. 

He gently rubs up and down Dan's back, soothing him to sleep. Phil yawns shortly after Dan's breathing slows, signaling he was asleep. Phil mentally thinks 'screw it' before falling asleep as well, both of them all cuddled up on the couch. 

Phil wakes up to commotion in the kitchen, he hears his mum, dad, and Martyn all talking but he couldn't make anything out- then his mind went on red alert and he looked down at the sleeping boy on his chest, a blanket was now draped over them both- neither of them had put it there. 

"Fuck- no no no..." Phil gently moves the sleeping Dan off of him as he stands up, feeling his eyes fill with tears and his heart begin to race. 

This can't be happening, Phil thinks, not like this.

Phil hears the door slam followed by his mum's deep sigh, she mumbles something as does Martyn before he suddenly appears from the kitchen. 

"Martyn." Phil says, making his brother stop in his tracks. Phil had tears rolling down his cheeks, he was just so scared. He didn't want it to happen like this- he didn't want them to find out like this. 

Martyn gives Phil a sympathetic look, "Phil..." he sighs, "I heard the car outside and I ran downstairs to wake you up but they had already seen you. I'm sorry, I know you didn't want them to know like that."

"Did you tell them anything?"

"No." Martyn replies, "Honest, but they both kind of think it now..."

"Are they mad?" Phil asks, feeling his panic rise even more. He didn't want this. 

"I mean no- dad is confused and he just left to think but he's not angry... mum is perfectly calm, she covered you two up with a blanket and yeah..." Martyn trails off. 

Phil couldn't help the sob that racks through his body.

"No... c'mon Phil don't do that..." Martyn sighs, watching Phil cry. 

Phil couldn't help it, he felt like he was falling apart when he was just perfectly fine like two hours ago- hell he was more than perfectly fine because he had just made love to his boyfriend and it was perfect and now his mood was just ruined. 

Martyn sighs before approaching Phil and giving him a reluctant hug.

Phil appreciates the action for a few seconds before shoving him away and trying to regain control of his emotions. 

"You okay?" Martyn asks. 

"No." Phil replies, "I'm terrified right now..." 

"Don't be, they aren't upset."

"You said dad left." Phil replies. 

"Not in an angry way I-"

"I heard the damn door slam!" Phil exclaims before taking a deep breath to calm himself down. 

Martyn doesn't have a reply, "I'd go talk to mum if I were you." With that he disappeared up the stairs. 

Phil takes a few deep breaths before entering the kitchen, his mum smiles at him. 

"Hey Phil." She notices his tear stained cheeks and glossy eyes. 

"Mum." He let's out a shaky breath, he could feel himself about to break down again. 

She let's out a sad sigh when Phil begins to cry, she immediately pulls him into her arms, ignoring that he was no longer a small toddler and instead trying to comfort him as best as she can. 

"I'm okay I promise-" Phil pulls himself out of her arms and steps away, he just didn't want anyone to touch him right now. He felt panicky and shaky- he couldn't breathe. 

"Why were you crying Philip?" She asks in that mother tone of voice that makes you want to confess to everything. 

"I- y-you..." 

She pushes the fringe out of his face and smiles softly, "Sit, we can talk." 

Phil let's his body collapse in the chair, she sits next to him and just waits silently for him to speak. 

"You know don't you?" He sniffles. 

"Know what?" She gives him a confused look. 

"That- that I'm... I am..." Phil was visibly shaking, this wasn't fair he didn't feel ready to do this yet. "God dammit this is hard..."

She ignores Phil's cursing, letting it slide for once, "Talk to me love, what's wrong?"

Phil swallows thickly and just breathes, trying to think of his happy place. He thinks of Dan and the warm happy feeling that comes along with him, he smiles. Dan made him so happy, he wanted everyone to know that. He just has to think of that. 

He can do this, he wants to do this. 

He can't look her in the eye as he speaks but that's okay, because he wants to say it, he wants her to know, "Mum... I- I'm gay." 

He feels the biggest wave of relief he's ever felt in his life, this feels good. This is okay, this is what he wants. 

She doesn't say anything right away making Phil feel a bit anxious but deep down he knows, everything will be alright. 

He has Dan, he loves Dan. 

Love isn't wrong. This is okay, he knows it is. 

"Why do you seem so worried darling?" She gives him a soft smile. 

He feels a bit better.

"It's okay, it's all fine." 

That's all Phil ever wanted to hear. 

"You're still you, you're my baby and I still love you. Nothing could make me not love you, you know that?" 

He tears up a bit, "Thank you..." 

She pulls him into a hug, rubbing his back gently, "You shouldn't worry yourself over this Phil, you can be whoever you want to be. You can live your life however you want too, I'm proud of you and who you are." 

Phil pulls himself out of her arms, still feeling a bit shaky, he glances out of the kitchen doorway and sees Dan asleep on the sofa. He smiles and a warm feeling creeps through his chest, a tear slips from his eye, "I- I love him, mum." 

She was tearing up now, "Well he's a nice boy, you found a good one." 

"I really did." He breathes shakily, "I just love him so much... he makes me happier than I even thought was possible... he's so perfect and makes me feel this weird warmth whenever I so much as look at him, he's like my missing piece." 

She smiles as Phil talks about Dan, "That's wonderful honey. You deserve to be happy, if he makes you happy then that's amazing. I just want what's best for you."

"He's what's best for me."

"Then that's all I could ask for, you being happy makes me happy." 

Phil takes a shuddery breath as he changes the subject a bit, "What does dad think?"

"He doesn't think anything really, I think you should go talk to him." She says. 

"Is he angry?"

"Not at all honey, don't worry." She reassures him, "You know we love you." 

Phil nods, feeling a healthy amount of fear bubbling in his stomach, "I'm gonna go talk to him." 

Phil looks at Dan for a few seconds longer.

"He's not gonna go anywhere, don't worry." She says making him smile because Dan really wasn't leaving. Maybe he'd eventually have to go home but he'd always come back.

Maybe one day their home would be together. Phil couldn't wait for that. 

Most people were scared of the idea of the future, Phil couldn't wait for it. As long as he had Dan. 

Phil takes another deep breath before walking outside, seeing his dad leaned against the car. 

"Dad?" 

He looks up, "Philip."

Phil stops a few steps away, "I'm just gonna say it..." Phil says to himself, his dad was looking at him, waiting for the incoming words, "I'm gay." Phil shrugs simply. 

It gets easier every time and the relief is always the same. 

"And I love Dan." Phil adds, "He makes me happy and warm, he's like my other half, I hope you aren't mad but I can't help it. Love is love, and I love him with all my heart." 

"Oh Phil, I'm not mad." He says, sighing heavily, "I'm mad at myself." 

"What- what do you mean?" Phil was taken aback. 

"The terrible jokes I made- now your reactions make sense. When I said that thing about my coworker and you stormed out of the room obviously upset- that was terrible of me." 

"You didn't know-"

"That doesn't justify what I said. Just know that I accept you how you are, nothing going to change because I know you're still you and the fact that you love Dan is great. If you're happy then I'm happy." 

Phil smiles, he could finally breathe. 

No more than an hour later the whole family- including Dan because to Phil he was family- was all rested in the lounge watching a movie. 

Phil smiles to himself as Dan leans into him, he didn't have to hide anymore. 

Phil relaxes back into the couch, letting Dan snuggle into his side. Phil grabs his hand and tangles their fingers together before pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

He notices his mum giving them a glance, a soft smile on her face. 

"I love you." Phil whispers softly so only Dan could hear. 

"I love you too." Dan whispers back. 

"Can you two stop?" Martyn rolls his eyes, "I'm gonna start throwing up over here." 

Okay maybe Martyn could hear them- wouldn't be the first time they thought he couldn't. 

"Martyn leave your brother alone." Phil's mum says making Martyn huff. 

Phil sticks his tongue out at him like a child before turning all of his attention back to Dan, he hugs him closer. 

Nothing had ever felt this right.

**Author's Note:**

> I worked hard on this one so hopefully my work payed off!
> 
> Please leave a comment and kudos if you're feeling oh so generous! :) I love to hear your thoughts and feelings.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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